One thing I promised myself when I came back to blogging was that I would start using this blog in whatever way made me happy. I used to use LiveJournal all the time. Since I stopped, there’s been a bit of a hole where it used to be. For some reason, I always thought that a public blog couldn’t be personal. I always felt like it had to be relevant, or relatable, or shareable, or whatever. But I’ve decided I’m going to use this blog for personal posts too, amongst the gaming adventures, streaming advice, and other games industry stuff.
So hi! What’s happening in my world right now? This post is a bit more personal, but it’s nothing you’re not used to if you watch my streams! More private thoughts and musings go on my Fanhouse, but I figured why not open up here a little?
This year so far has been a bit of a mixed bag. Upfront I’d like to say I’m really happy and content, but it started out rough. At the beginning of the year, I lost a close family member unexpectedly. It was very sudden, and my family is very close so we were all deeply affected by it. My last few months have been busy with some exciting opportunities, mixed in with being there to support my family in the wake of the loss and grief we all experienced. I was very close to the death in a lot of ways, and it was hard. I have found that in the weeks following, my family has grown closer in a lot of ways. Balancing work and family has been trickier because of all of this, though. I threw myself into work and streaming and everything as a distraction, however I would like to say that I did take some time off to properly grieve this time which I didn’t do last time I experienced loss, which I’m proud of.
With regards to work, I’d like to talk about the opportunities and projects I’ve been working on that have kept me going. You may have seen (or heard!) that I was asked to host a new podcast called BossLVL. It’s an iHeart production, and I’m hosting alongside four amazingly talented and wonderful women (MiladyConfetti, Jess Brohard, and HeyShadyLady). I’m so excited and honoured to have been given the opportunity, and I’ve been really enjoying the conversations we’ve had so far. If you want to listen to it, you can find all the links on our BossLVL LinkTree.
I’ve also been in talks with a few different people about some other interesting projects that I might be able to get involved with. Community management things and writing things, potentially. I don’t have much info on them yet, but I wanted to mention them here anyway. I know that I’m a bit of a workaholic (so I keep being told…) so I’m trying to make sure I don’t overdo it.
Speaking of being a workaholic, I’ve identified something in myself. I crave progress. While that can be pretty great, it can also mean that I find myself frustrated when I’m not making any. I am currently trying to cut myself off from social media a bit. I’ve uninstalled the Twitter app from my phone, and instead am trying micro-journaling thanks to my friend Roby sending me this video. I don’t go to the Twitter app because of FOMO, exactly. I find myself going for it because I want to absorb what other creators tweet about, to help me come up with ideas for how I could engage with social media myself. I suppose it’s a kind of FOMO, but it’s not the kind I thought it was. I certainly don’t miss doom-scrolling! If nothing else, this whole thing has taught me that I can’t stop thinking about work, even when I’m not working.
So this past weekend, I took time away from my PC. A lot of time. I read (currently reading A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J Maas thanks to my lovely friend Rosa) and played games on my couch (I bought Elden Ring, again, on my PS5 for couch play). My partner and I did some DIY, and finished a few house projects we’d been putting off. It was really refreshing, and I’m hoping doing that more will be helpful. I found myself feeling truly content this weekend, and not thinking constantly about what content (the other meaning of “content”! English is weird) I could be producing. In fact, I didn’t do any work this weekend, which is great because I often find myself doing admin or video editing or scribbling down plans in my time off. It was honestly wonderful.
I have also been finding balance in my streaming life. I can be quite hard on myself, but I’ve noticed I’m starting to find joy in just creation. Even if my numbers aren’t as high as they were or I’m not experiencing the growth I had been before, I’m happy. I’m enjoying streaming and creating content. Spending time with our community has become a core part of my life that is worth it in and of itself.
Anyway, all of this to say: I’m okay. I’m happy. This is just a few of the things going on in my life right now. I plan to do more of these kinds of posts (hopefully more coherently!) whenever the mood strikes. This one was a bit all over the place, like a stream of consciousness kind of thing.
Be excellent to one another. Stay hydrated. And wash your goddamn hands!